What is this feeling I feel inside?

Update: I got so carried away with trying to understand what I couldn't understand, that I forgot to mention one very important thing that I did understand. Kay Kay Menon is hot! Not to mention, he's a great actor too, but this role suited him so well that he did cause a heart beat or two to skip. (Yeah, isn't that the easiest thing in the world to do!!!)

I just watched the movie "Hazaaron Khwaishein Aisi". I don't know what I'm feeling after watching it. I know the movie hit me. But in what way? I can't put a finger on it. Interesting movie, to say the least. It's about politics, corruption, and all the other things that's wrong with our country. However, what caught my attention the most is the love story. I know you're probably thinking "Gosh, these girls don't think of anything else." And you're probably right too. But there was something about this particular love story that pulled a heart-string. Again what exactly I'm feeling? I don't know. But it was beautiful. There was love, definitely, and there was passion. Something about their love story was just beautiful. Everything else portrayed in the movie was evil, dark and even scary. Maybe that's why the love story stood out. Or maybe because it's a story of first love. There's something haunting about it. Whatever it was that I cannot comprehend, I love it. I know that a lot of this post may not make sense, but that's because I can't make sense of what I'm feeling right now either. Weird. I usually have an opinion about everything!!!

A song or something like it

Note: I was asked to write a song for a college band. And boy, was I thrilled. The following is my attempt at it. The response I got for it was "This song would be perfect for U2." Trust me, that was meant to be an insult. I like U2, so I didn't feel too bad about it! But don't tell me I didn't warn you. After all, it's a reject. But that didn't damage my ego one bit, which is why I'm shamelessly posting it on my blog for all the world to see.


This thing called Lust

Whoa, the heat’s there
We’re lying bare
Of clothes, or of emotions?
She’s fallen asleep
In thoughts, I’m deep
Contemplating possible premonitions

Without a doubt
Water will put right out
A fire that's ablaze
A desire for danger?
Human instincts of animal nature?
The mind's stuck, in a daze

It’s like in quicksand
You find you’re stuck and
The only way is down
So much for sanity
When you see that she
Is taking off that nightgown

Sex for pleasure
Much beyond measure
Crushing rationale to dust
Such physical passion
A crazy obsession
This thing called Lust

Burning, burning
Burning, burning
Oh, she feels us burning
Burning, burning
Burning, burning
I feel us burning out

Let’s burn!


P.S. - I know it's probably more exciting to think that I have lesbian tendencies, which I might; however, this song was being written for a men-band. (Boy-band sounds so Boyzonish or Backstreetboyish. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but imagine calling Metallica or Pink Floyd a boy-band. Haha! Man, that would get me killed!!! Though the contorted faces of some of my friends would be worth it :D )

zftqrfly

Dear spammer,

That was the latest word-verification word that I had to type in. And it got me thinking.

You only spam because you want to make someone’s life miserable, right? Because it gives you immense sadistic pleasure? And also because you’re bored and have a lot of time on your hands, but that’s immaterial. Unfortunately, Blogger introduced word-verification and shattered all your dreams. But you know what? It’s really not an anti-spam move. Oh no! It’s only replaced what you used to do, and it does it better. These word-verification things irritate the hell out of me. In fact, they irritate me more than you used to. What does that tell you, huh? That you lost! You lost in this battle of being a jerk. And you’re not even doing anything about it. That’s just pathetic. Don’t you have any pride? Doesn’t it prick your ego that someone is now doing your job better than you used to?

Well, I’ve got a proposition for you. How about you work on a way to beat these damn word-verifiers? I’m sure that shouldn’t be too hard for you. You’ve got a devious mind. You’ll find a solution, won’t you? And then, you’ll be able to spam in spite of word-verification. And you know what would happen then? The bloggers will soon remove WV because they’ll realize that it doesn’t make a difference. So you’ll not only get to spam once again, you’ll even have beaten Blogger’s WV. That’s killing two birds with one stone.

So what do you say? Are you up to it? I dare you!

Yours irritatedly,
Ms. V

Livin’ la Vidavinci

My dad was always mighty proud of anything I did, but he especially loved these. He was to take them with him to Dubai on that day. They got left behind for some reason.

Still Life















That's a flower vase with no flowers in it. There are 2 whole apples and one that's been cut in half. The small blue thingy is an orange squeezer. I know there are no oranges. But it's art. Anything goes. Plus it's my art. So whatever.

The Pier















This a colourful one, isn't it? It's basically just lots of boats, big and small, one house, some people and some trees.

During my one-month summer vacation, I spent 8 days learning oil painting, and this is what I accomplished. I think they're not bad at all!

And here’s a little tribute to my favourite cartoon character:

Next project - A portrait of my dad.

I walked into a spider web today ...

... and I think I ate a spider.

Eegaaaaaaaaaak!!!

And then there were three.

Exactly a month ago, we were a loving family of four.

It's ironic how my dad always wished we were a larger family, and now it's actually smaller.
It's ironic how my dad passed away on the same date as his younger brother did.
It's ironic how my dad died because of a car accident. He hated to drive. He hardly ever drove.
It's ironic how one of his best friends, who was driving that car, escaped unscathed.

Anyway, I've created a blog for my dad. My dad loved to write. He loved that I loved to write. And he'd be over the moon to know that I'm writing about him. So, I'm going to do just that. I will fill the blog with things my dad's done, what he loves, what he hates, what he thinks, stuff he finds funny, nonsense he's uttered et al.

Everyone who's known my dad says I'm just like him. That's the best compliment I've ever received.

http://i-love-you-dad.blogspot.com

Snickers anyone?

In spite of 99% of my friends being geeks a.k.a. computer science engineers, I learnt only today the difference between CC and BCC. And that too from an English textbook. Hmm.

www.ahste.com

Be it haste misspelled in haste. Be it some conjugation of the Hindi word 'aahista'. Or be it a Sanskrit word, for those of you who know Sanskrit. Whatever it is that you think of the word, “it’s about time you showed up”!

Most of us bloggers spend a good amount of time online. Right? How about putting that time to good use?

Meet Gautam Chandna, the creator of Ahste.com. A fellow blogger, he created this website a couple of months ago and has been working on it since. The site is not complete 100 percent, but do check it out for all it’s worth. He’s presently busy now, but he’ll be working on it whenever he gets the time. So put Ahste.com on your Favorites list and give it a click whenever you can, maybe even once fortnightly (for you busy ones). You exercise a finger and help someone out at the same time. What more could you want?

There are games to play, quotes to read, pics to see and much more. You just may find something you like. In fact, you may even find someone you like! For instance, Gautam himself is cute and single. So, what are you waiting for, girls?

The site’s very much in-progress stage, so you could help too. People like you who churn out interesting blog entries so often must be brimming with ideas. All you have to do is register on the site, and you could send messages to the administrator (our eligible bachelor himself) and help contribute to Ahste.com. The messages are private too, so there’s no constraint on what you want to say ;)

So, the next time you’re online and you find that you’re bored, visit www.ahste.com. Let’s give it a chance. Do something worthwhile with your time on the Internet. It may not be worth the while for you, but at least it’ll be worth the while for someone else. And if that’s not good enough a reason to convince you, then do it for the sake of a friend. Do it for me.

This program was brought to you by ‘Advertising at its Best’.

Tag of war

So I've decided not to make a bitch-fest out of my blog. That means I'm going to take the effort to try to blog like I used to, which may be a bad thing too. But what the heck.

Deepthi, who I've been rude enough not to blogroll until today, tagged me. Yay! And I mean it. I think tags are cool. They're like one extra topic to blog about without breaking your head too much. In fact, I was planning to self-tag myself but Deepthi saved me the trouble. Now I don't seem so lame anymore. No complaints from me, girl! But then again, I'm the same person who felt bad about not being spammed. Not that I like spammers, but I was beginning to get some sort of complex as to why my blog was not being targeted by spammers. In fact, my first spam comment was about just three weeks ago. That helped my damaged ego a bit. Yes, I'm weird like that.

Se7en

... things I want to do before I die

1> hug my dad again.
2> make my mom proud by fulfilling her and my dad's wishes.
3> adopt a child. But that's only after I'm no longer responsible for my sister, and my uncle's sons.
4> experience some of these crazy sports/activities like bungee jumping, paragliding, skiing or scuba diving.
5> learn a musical instrument properly, preferably drums. Else, the guitar.
6> learn to work with all mediums in art - pencil sketch, charcoal, water colours, oil paint, pastel colours etc.
7> do so many more things like travel, write a book, compose a song, paint a portrait of my dad, get married, pet a Yorktese, own a Volkswagen Beetle convertible etc, but I now realize how short "before I die" can really be.

... things I can do

1> walk English, talk English.
2> whistle quite well. And more importantly, whistle tunes!
3> eat pretty much anything vegetarian.
4> drink loads of coffee and still fall right off to sleep.
5> go without sleep for more than 48 hours, and also sleep for more than 18 hours straight, not necessarily following the former.
6> be very very possessive about the people I love.
7> complete this tag.

... things I cant' do

1> live life the same way anymore.
2> understand computers. If you think women have mood swings, you haven't worked with a Compaq Presario 1500T.
3> understand how guys will spend their lifetime understanding computers but will not allocate even one-tenth of that time to attempt understanding women.
4> trust women. And Ekta Kapoor hasn't influenced me in any way.
5> tolerate female Chinese voices. *Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeech*
6> be composed around an insect.
7> have faith.

... things I say the most

1> Screw you
2> Uffo
3> Wow, or in less-wowed circumstances, gosh
4> Achcha
5> Dammit, as opposed to damn it.
6> Crap
7> What the fuck, man

... things that attract me to the opposite sex

1> Voice!!! If you've got a sexy voice, you can be the hunchback of Notredame, for all I care.
2> Hair. I like being able to run my fingers through a guy's hair. I also prefer a stubble to a clean shave. Speaking of clean shaves, I hate it when a guy's body is hairless! That is a big no-no for me. I demand chest hair. When a guy's wearing a shirt and has his top two buttons open and his chest hair is peeking out... ooh la la!
3> Having a good command over the English language. And that doesn't mean just being a smooth talker. If a guy ever says "they goes" even by mistake, I'm making a big U-turn.
4> Chocolate skin. If a guy's brown, he gets brownie points from me ;)
5> Being slightly smarter/taller/cuter/basically better than me. I don't know why but that's a turn on.
6> Knowing to treat a woman right. I don't mean just respect, but the fact that she must be treated differently when alone, when amongst her friends, when amongst his friends, when amongst family etc.
7> Just being a typical guy - insensitive at times, losing his temper, forgetting important dates and then trying to make up for it, getting horny at the silliest times!

I would have added sense of humour too, but I'm really very easily amused, so it doesn't count. Fame and fortune is number 8 :p Good looks are a bonus, but personally don't matter.

... celebrity crushes

1> Arjun Rampal
2> Gael Garcia Bernal - Google him, gals. He's worth it!
3> Shoaib Akthar
4> Johnny Depp
5> George Clooney
6> John Travolta
7> Dwayne Johnson a.k.a. The Rock

This list has nothing to do with personality, talent etc. It's purely hormone-based. Brad Pitt and Emraan Hashmi are right up there too.

... people I want to tag

1> Ankit
2> Vivek
3> Alok
4> Aarish
5> Jeevan
6> Reshmi
7> Jobin

Unfortunately, none of them have blogs, except for Aarish, who is too young to have a blog.

"I'm done moping"

I really don't know if that's a question, a statement or a lie. Hence, the lack of a punctuation mark within the quotation marks. I'm blogging again. I don't know why, but then, I never really had a valid reason. I don't know if I can be the same "I-don't-give-a-damn-about-nothing" bitch, because this time I'm forced to give a damn. I hope none of you have to ever face this situation in your lives, but it's bloody hard not having a dad in your life anymore. It's probably only a little less worse than being a complete orphan. Yeah, that's how I call myself now. I'm half an orphan.

Anyway, I find that I'm not moping as much anymore. Is it because I've done it for an entire year that I've now run out of tears? Am I really a stronger person or do I really not care? It's amazing how many questions run through your head at moments like this. In fact, pain has been replaced by fury. So much in fact that I actually have to give myself a couple of days before I can pen down how I really feel. I don't think my posts are going to be very coherent from now on. I don't even know if they'll be interesting enough to read. But does it even matter anymore?

He didn't deserve to die. My mom didn't deserve this either. I'm done cursing the Americans and the Chinese, temporarily though, because I have a lot more directions in which my anger is heading right now. I still think they should pass a law to ban Chinese females from talking.

Hope all of you are excited about reading a blog that's going to be PMS-y for quite a while. Because I sure am not.

The reason for my absence

18th September, 2004

8:00 am - I'm sleeping.

9:00 am - The phone rings.

I hear my dad crying on the phone. He tells me that my uncle is no more.

18th September, 2005

3:00 am - I'm trying to complete my assignments, often distracted by fond nostalgic memories of my uncle.

4:00 am - The phone rings.

I hear my aunt crying on the phone. She tells me that my dad is no more.

The irony of coincidence? Or the sadism of destiny? I don't know.
All I know is that I'm in pain. A lot of pain.
Just like when a wound that has not even begun to heal yet has been hurt again.
And I'm not sure how much more this heart can take.
Nothing makes sense.
But then again, I'm left with nothing.