To love or to be loved?
I was thinking about being in love today (as in, the concept of it.) I guess it’s a girl thing, I’m not sure. And I’ve got a question.
If there was a guy/girl who loved you to death and you liked him/her. And there was a guy/girl whom you loved to death and he/she liked you. Ceteris paribus, whom would you choose to be with?
[Edit: Abhinav says that to love someone is harder than to be loved which is the easy way out. So, now my question is, who's heart would you rather break?]
posted by LovingAndLosing @ 1:31 pm
35 comments
35 Comments:
I wud dive in for the second kinda girl.The one I love.Ok.i know as much about love as osama knows about peace, but here goes .To love.To be loved.2 different things.To be loved is the easier way , but selfish.To love someone is the harder way , but thats real love , and with a single shot at life , i dnt wanna miss out on that.Being pampered by someone who loves you is a mere pleasure.But just to look at someone whom you love , even if she dsnt notice you , is beautifully magical.
And its not a girl thing.Guys have a heart , and pumping blood is not all it does.
Hehehehehe. Gosh! I've not even posted it properly, and you've put up two comments. Well, I didn't mean guys didn't have a heart. I just thought they don't ponder over these kind of things too much.
Waise what about in terms of the other person? Don't you think the person who loves you deserves you more than the person who likes you? Who's heart would you rather break???
Waise isn't it easier to be with someone you love rather than someone you like???
I echo Abhinav..
Love is definitely NOT a girl thing.. You thought wrong...
To answer you other question.. If a hundred people loved you to death what would you do? Marry all of them? I think the focus should be what one wants. The others can take care of themselves..
This may sound selfish but I'd rather break someone else's heart than break my own.. which means I'm going after the person I love.. :-). Of course in the event the person I love chooses to break my heart, I'd probably settle for someone who loved me to mend my broken heart.. :-)
Ahh thats a difficult one. Awful situation to be in- sounds like something out of a Hindi movie. Nah, I don't have an answer to this one!!
well whether u marry the one whom u love or marry the one who loves u.. but dont forget to love the 'one' whom u marry
and if u love some one then better go tell them tht u love them. the right time never comes.. better to do it the moment u know u love him/her..
Great question.
I actually had to think about it before I answered, so here's my take.
I believe we can all grow to love someone, if we're open to the idea. Perhaps I would think to myself that the girl I love, would eventually come around.
But on the other hand, its rare to find someone who loves you so much. And I know I'd come around and fall in love with the girl who loved me that much.
Weird as this sounds, I would choose the girl who loves me. Because its really rare to be loved to that extent by someone. And if the girl who likes me, doesn't love me for who I am, then so be it. It wasn't meant to be.
Now off course if the girl who only liked me was presented with the same situation, decided to choose me, then we'd have a mess! hahahaha
Nirmal: I KNOW guys have hearts, but I just didn't think they pondered about such questions. Fine. I'm wrong :p I guess I would do the same too.
Kroopa: Damn. No girl perspective! That's weird ;) The guys have lots to say!!!
Vishy: Yeah. You're right.
Sahil: It didn't sound weird to me at all. You echoed my sentiments to the T!!!! I couldn't have said it better myself.
Right.Your counter question and the insightful comment by Sahil have really made things interesting.(When something confuses me ,I do not show it , instead I say its "interesting" ).This is a good question.Looking forward to some comments by those bloggers who put down those soulful poems about love , not stuff about houseflies and dirty rooms.
Interesting subject Vidya... (ahem)
off the top of my head...
1. Its NOT a girl thing.
2. Go for the one YOU love to death... seriously, that isn't a tough one.
Love isn't just anything... its hyped so much that we unconciously start thinking of it as a product... Love- not to put too much of a fine point on this- is something special.
It really is something that you cannot draw analogies with. Anyone whose been in love knows what I am talking about... Its serious shit! :)
The point is that Love isn't something that can be analysed and approached with a theory. Not because it is too complex but because it is too simple and pure.
It's not a girl thing, not a girl thing, not a girl thing. I am SORRY!!!!!!
Abhinav: Hehehe. Well each one has his own talent. I'm sure no one can write about a fly the way you do ;)
Vibes: Ahem Ahem. Interesting comment. I will obviously follow 2. But I would hate to have to break the heart of someone who loves me that much. Anyone who's had their heart broken knows what I'm talking about.
And I know it's not about dissecting love and studying it. But you do have to think about it. The very act of falling in love with somebody is obviously as simple as falling in love with somebody. Period. As far as I'm concerned, I know I do a lot of thinking.
Waise tho, the question is a hypothetical one. But what I was trying to get at is that when we are crazy about someone, whether they really love us back or not, we overlook all their faults, even the fact that they don't love us as much, and are willing to accept them. And all this while we completely neglect the one who loves us to death, when in reality we should be the one to understand exactly what they're going through. I don't even know if I'm making sense anymore!!!
Here are two REALLY interesting opinions for either side posted on my mirror blog, so I'm going to post them following this comment.
The choice is obviously yours...so you decide.
Now, I would choose the person whom i loved to death. ( i think this is what most people would say)
One reason is that you would always be happier to be with the person you love than with the person you like. Happiness in a relationship is in many ways associated to love. love is returned in a relationship too. So you can always hope for the person giving you back the same love that you have given him / her , even though it maybe later on. But, it is difficult to hope to love, a person later on, who you only 'like' at the moment, cos you havent loved the person already and you have actually 'loved' someone else. so as another consequence, it is possible that you could be double minded even after you have decided on the person you 'like' which would altogether make things worse or unstable.
My other reason is a subjective one : As i had made a point, love is important in relationships. Now, what is more certain according to you? the 'intense love' someone has for you or the 'intense love' you have for someone else. Obviously the second case. You know yourself better than anyone else...You can be sure of this love. hence the answer...
having been through both situations that you mention, i'd say go for the situation where you were loved. as humans we have this incredible need for reciprocation along with high expectations. much as people say that they don't really expect anything & it would solve so many a problem if they really didn't, it's just a myth amongst humans, this no-expectations business. if you were with someone you loved, there's no guarantee that he would eventually end up feeling the same about you and you'd start resenting that he didn't feel the same way about you, didn't do enough, took you for granted..whatever.
but on the other hand, if you were with someone you knew was crazy about you, he'd do so much for you & after a while, he becomes pretty irresistible. you find you love him too and you just can't do without him. mebbe it's that way only with wimmin though. can't really say.
but that's my personal experience & opinion. to each his own, yes?
Well, whiff of chic kinda stole my words. You really have to be thru both the situations until u actually know.. and having been thru it..and it was not fun..I totally agree with him in that if someone loves u like crazy and u like them, eventually u will fall in love with them..the sheer intensity will make ur heart melt. On the other hand, u might be totally crazy abt someone who might even say they love u at first, but u r so blinded by love that u dont even know if the other person has long since stopped loving u. It will come as a shock one day and will pain n haunt u for the rest of ur life..
So without hesitation, i wud go for the gal who loves me with all her heart..and try to reciprocate in whatever way I can..and thats what I do..and keep wondering why I dint meet her first..
Random Access
The search has just begun !!!
hmmm.. i would do a toss.. head i win tails i lose.. leave it to fate..
V..
Wow , this is one bheja boggling discussion.For me ,Love is as simple to understand as inorganic chemistry .Virdi bhai , if you are done with the toss , gimme the coin , toss karna hai.
Although, I've been visiting ur blog for quite some time now, this is the first time I'm taking the liberty to comment on it. The topic is very interesting and I thought I'd pitch in and give a "girl perspective" like u said.
Loving someone unconditionally and being able to do anything for him without expecting anything in return is indeed a very noble deed. But when u think of a life long commitment, it is not an ideal situation. Marriage is not a one way affair; no matter how selfless ur love is, u do need something in return. U cannot force someone to love u just because u love him a lot.
On the other hand, if u marry the one who loves u, in the course of time,u might appreciate his feelings for u and try to reciprocate.
If given the choice, I'd prefer to break my own heart than someone else's. I'd rather grieve than suffer from guilt.
Well, when all's said and done, the choice is purely personal.
It was a treat to read all the comments. Hats off to u for triggereing this interesting discussion.
p.s: w.r.t love? bachao!'s comment, compared to the love, inorganic chemistry is easier to understand(he!he!)
Assuming they are both hot..I ll try having sex with both of em...(Y does it Have to be ONE person??)
Vidya, you still haven't answered my question... what happens if two people truly loved you?
RA: Yes, at least your answer I was sure of :)
Virdi: Ohh, that's my favourite saying "When in doubt, toss a coin!"
Abhi: Tu tho IIM waala hai. For you, inorganic chemistry is probably a piece of cake ;)
Soumya: I'd rather prefer to break my own heart rather than someone else's. Though I do think that's easier said than done. Welcome to my world, btw!!!
Madz: Uff. It's not about sex :p You can have sex with as many people as you want. You will only love one person at one time though.
Nirmal: If two people truly loved me, then I'd obviously choose the one I love more na? Waise, I don't think two people can love in the same way. One guy's love will be certainly greater than the other's in some way.
see love is mutual.... if you like some one and you love her it lands up selfish some times...
If some one likes you so much and you love her then it might be out of sympathy....
so both ways too tough...cat on the wall types :)
I would personally choose the guy who loves me.
That said, I would like to add that I am 31 and married with 2 kids and have come to learn a few things from life. Seriously, living with the person who LOVES you is totally worth it. Life has a funny way of throwing complexities at you when you least suspect it, and the person who loves you will always be there for you no matter what, and you would by then have fallen in love with him anyway.
Love is not very complex. It is the most amazingly simple thing. And coupled with commitment, can go a long way!
IMHO, the feeling has to be mutual. Consider 2 people fall in love and get together. Compromises at that point is a necessity for co-existance and is very natural as we learn in day-to-day life.
But compromising even before you get into a relationship can sometimes prove to be a recipe for disaster. You make it difficult both on yourself and the other person.
Bottom-line: "Like" is not the same as "Love".
I agree that it's easier said than done...I was just thinking that its better to handle one's own grief than being the reason for someone else's...Of course, when it actually happens none of it is easy...
hey ms.v..
archana here..got here through priya's blog..interesting post..thought provoking..
both ways somebodys heart gets broken.. me ..well would choose the person who loves me..i guess.. cos ..the person i love.. well he really does not wanna be with me...i agree with soumya...not practical for a life long commitment..
hope never get into such a situation.. it would be best if i love the person and he loves me as much as i do...
Vasanth: Yes. It sucks either way.
Missy: Well, since you are the most experienced of the lot here, I'm going to take your word for it :D
Bala: Like is definitely not love. I like Dilbert. I love Garfield. I know the difference ;)
Soumya: True...
Archana: So you too would choose the one who loves you. Maybe it's a girl thing! Hah. Welcome :)
yeah and filmo mein bolte hain na... hum apne pyar ko khush rakhne ke liye kuch bhi kar sakte hai.. sacrifice..:-) aur agar woh khush to hum bhi khush waise hi....if he happy with another person then no need for me to get in between(kabab mein haddi)..dono how far that true..that u will be happy when he with someone else..but then got to compromise na..filmi ishtyle..go smiling smiling with a bouquet for his wedding...par andar se boo hoo...crying hi crying...
archana
i wud go for the one i luv.. definetly.. though the other promises a more secure life..wat to do da??human brain knowa things.. but doesnt want to comprehend!!
..p..
Priya, I somehow think that's what I'd do too. The brain and the heart work in opposite directions most of the time!!!
Wow, amazing question...
My thoughts...
If you love someone, and he/she only likes you, you dunno if they will eventually grow to love you.
If you like someone and he/she loves you, it's easier to grow to love them.
I guess that's because we can predict our behaviour and actions better than we can predict others'.
"A happy man marries the girl he loves; a happier man loves the girl he marries."
my heart has been broken twice, been in love thrice, had an amazing time once and is right now bored to death.
I'd say - "it doesnt matter."
reason being - whatever happens, it happens for the good!
stop taking it tooooooo seriously, if you would die for someone - then please for god's sake dont go kill yourself and put the other person in trauma for the rest of his/her life!
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