Go for it!
They say, when you want something really bad, you should go for it. But what if that something you want is a person? What do you do then? What do you do when you want someone so bad?
Some say, go for it even then. Make sure he knows you like him. Make sure you keep making moves. If he doesn’t seem interested, try harder. And if that doesn’t work, keep trying some more. Try and try until you succeed. Bless old adages.
But should I? How long must I try? Do I stop at some point in time and tell myself that I’m pathetic? That if he wants to come to me, he will? And that if he doesn’t, I should just find someone who wants to? How far should I go to try to win him over? And then, what if I do? Am I going to feel like I achieved something? Is someone really worth all that time and effort? If yes, then why is it only coming from your side? How do you know that he just didn’t throw his hands up in the air and decide - alright, so she’s crazy about me, and well, I haven’t really found anyone to be crazy about, so what the heck.
Should I go for it? Should I convince him that he needs me? Or should I let him realize that himself? And if so, should I wait till he realizes that he needs me? Should I tell myself that nothing is impossible if I try hard enough? Or should I tell myself that I shouldn't want what I can't have?
Who answers these questions? Why isn’t there a doctor for this? Love is a disease, dammit. Why do I have a feeling that even if there was a ‘love doctor’ of some sort, I’d only scoff at her advice?
*Let’s keep exes, love triangles, homosexuality and ‘already married’ out of this situation.
**I’ve used first person narrative because I figured you’re going to assume this is about me anyway.
posted by LovingAndLosing @ 3:38 am
38 comments
38 Comments:
There's no one but yourself who can answer these questions. You just have to go with what feels right. If u've given him too much time and attention and feel that's it - break away. If you feel the need to convince him that u're MEANT for him, then convince away. And if u feel, you don't know how you feel - then step back for a while to figure out how u feel.
and yeah yeah, I like stating the obvious. So sue me.
Rule of thumb -- if he doesn't want you, you don't want him. :)
But we have only one life. Tell him.
I've been in this mess a couple of times...and infact, I've been a coward both the times...I lost both of them. I wished if I could go back in time and sorted things out..now its too late. But in these circumstances, there's one more issue..if you really like the person..and you tell him/her your feelings..and then he/she does'nt reciprocate it...you feel really bad and it take a lot of time to get over it! Well...like everyone say...it just happens..and I'm also looking forward to it..lets see how it goes.
If he's a close friend and treats you only like a friend, then you better rethink. If you declare your feelings and if its a Yes from him, then fine. Warna, you'll probably be too embarassed and the friendship too will go for a toss.
If the above is not applicable, then do go ahead and say it, it just might go into the guy's thick-headed brain :-D.
Some one tell me, do guys ever think as much abt the woman's perspective as we do about the guy's ??? Or is this some sort of a curse on womanhood??
i personally didn't have to try that hard to get my gf to say yes to me, but i always wondered what if i were caught in a similar situation...just like the movies in which "true" love always prevails. but i guess life is too complex for a 3 hour movie...esp. a bollywood movie.
Wait for the magic to happen. Believe me if it were meant to be , you wouldnt have to try too hard . :)
( Big Big Smile )
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Should I convince him that he needs me?
Need is a four letter word to me, and not a nice one. Another question that Mr. LD (Love Doctor) needs to answer: Why do people equate love to need? Don't they realise there is difference between love and a basic emotional support system?
And once you do find Mr. LD, let me know. I'd like to bring " exes, love triangles, homosexuality and ‘already married’ " into the equation too.
You might notice I have not answered a single one of your question. See, I don't know the answers.
Well I am no Mr. Hitch but for waht its worth "Screw the guy, there are many more eligible ones around"
(you're supposed to take the hint btw)
BIACH you trying to mock my love life ;)!!!
Sahil: Sigh. How much does suing you get me? :p
Manoj: Hee hee. Nice try ;)
Sayesha: Ironies suck.
Vikram: I know. You tell also problem. You don't tell also problem. But I guess it's better to tell. Next time ok?
Deeps: Oh gosh. The close friend one is the worst. It's not in this case. Luckily.
Tar: No. Guys don't think. Period ;)
Grasshopperboy: Maybe you're hot. That usually works. It won't for me.
Harish: Ooh. Someone is in love???
Camphor: I like need. In fact, need is better than want. For example, I need air to live. I need water to live. I need my mom to live. Need is a necessity, something you can't do without. I would love for my guy to need me!
The big 's': Ahem. Don't be giving out hints if you're not serious about them being taken. Because I'll take them, and then you'll be in trouble. You know I'm already your fan ;)
Anon: Who's this? Maybe we share similar love lives!
Hmm..... are you talking to me??
I've been after the "same" girl for the PAST 2 STUPID LONG PAINFULLY FUN!! YEARS!!
and to tell you the truth.. trying for someone has its own kicks!
Tar: I dont know about all guys.. but YES! I so connect with this post! unfortunately I wasnt a blogger when I decided to stay crazy about this person and couldnt ask for online advice..
vids: Here is a catch 22 situation for you.
If you tell him: He will _NOT_ like you back~ -BUT- You will enjoy the crying/laughing/thinking/imagining only to end up with someone else, but that would be after you get so totally bored of this guy that it wouldnt matter anymore...
If you hint it to him: He may respond if he is interested, and you will be stuck thinking "What if??????????"
If you dont tell him: You're free to roam the malls and eat all the ice cream and chococlates claiming, "I'm just trying to get over him.. :-( " and have ALL the fun in the world!!!!
-----------
So I would say its safer to tell him, if you are the romantic type [and you REALLY like this guy]
and Dont tell him, if you know its a just a humongous 'fling' and you arent really sure if life with the same guy forever is possible...
.
Knowing you, I'd say tell him! a little bit of comedy/action/romance/hindi-movies/song-dance-sequences/waiting-for-phone-calls never hurt anyone!
and you're a big girl! I'm sure you wont let all this get to your head.. make sure your life still revolves around you every now and then!
1. guys do think. they just dont get it. n thats y they're guys.
2. this is gonna sound far fetched, but if u 'love' them, you wouldnt expect anything from them.
3. we're humans, we're selfish. we cant love.
3. my advice on the situation u describe, as i understand it, ...fk it. call it self preservation, call me cynical, whatever...
ciao
GC: What if he knows I already like him? And there's no response, positive or negative?
Anon: You don't know me well enough then if you say that I can't love. It's because I love that I'm not doing anything about it. Because I could very well have him. But he needs to want it too. And maybe I'd "fuck it", but some things are worth the wait, I guess. Who knows? Time will tell.
To the times of Adam and Eve:
Both were wandering in paradise and one fine day, met each other. But being the first of their kind, they didn't know what to do with each other. So God had to create a love doctor to explain to them the "facts of life". But it was too late as Adam ate that wretched apple already. So they both figured they didn't need a love doctor after all.
Hence the expression, an apple a day keeps the doctor away!
Anyway, as Seinfeld says, there should a Dating Bill which will have guidelines to answer all these questions and some other dating etiquette like, for example if you're on a third date there should be a certain amount of physical contact!
Umm...sorry for spamming on your comment box! :D
PS: Grasshopperboy is not hot. He is just a boy who wants to be my sidekick!
Vikas: Hehehe! Don't be sorry at all. Spam away! I LOVE your comments. They crack me up :D
Grasshopperboy: Come on. Don't let Vikas get away with that comment.
FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!
Gosh, I'm so behaving like I'm eight :p
Let things come to u, it will always be with u...if u go for something, chances are tht u might end up disappointed...
Random Access
The search has just begun !!!
Love is a pretty complicated subject. Simple logics and straight forward answers rarely work. (I think so). As long as u r away from love, u have more freedom.
P.S: Liked this post
hmm... if he already knows and is giving no response, it means that he is a nice person and you should be nice to him.
If he were a bad person, he would take advantage of knowing your inclination.
If he was just another bloke, he wouldnt use that knowledge to his advantage - but would let everyone know and generally not regard it as anything important or serious.
There is no reason why you guys cant hang out together, go for movies together, spend time together... its only the commitment part of a ralationship that you guys cant have right now, which is a not a problem, because he is a nice guy.
So I say, he's good. You know you're good. Stick around, everything takes a little time:-)
No guy is worth ANY AGONY, trust me. If you like him, let him know that. And try to win him over but don't push it. If he doesn't respond he probably isn't worth all the attention you want to shower on him.
Uh oh.. Kroops has thought this over...
dunno about the no "guy" is worth it part since it applies equally to girls...
My advice: When u've had enough, you'll know... till then, go for it:)
Whose this guy anyway?
GC : Thanks... there's still some ray of hope :)
Ms. V : you could actually get the patents for all the posts here, ( I mean pay each of us our fair share ;-) ) and make a book on the battle of the sexes... Mebbe something lie " Men are from Treetops and Women are from Burrowholes" sort of a thingy...
Disclaimer: Treetops and Burrow Holes just came off my mind at that instant. They have no relevance to the elevation, and thus dont reflect any part of the respective personality.
absence makes the heart grow fonder////ye always wants what ze can't have---so enjoy the chase cos when ze catches ze quarry, it mightn't seem so appealing anymore.
Tuvok's right...At one time I was in the same position you are in...I kept hitting on the chick I "loved" but didnt stop myself from liking other chicks and going out with them (the other chicks)....nothing seems as eternal as love but doesnt deny the potency of other beautiful "fishes"...theres no formula or reason to success in this arena....Its like that...sometimes it feels like a cosmic joke..but doesnt mean I cant dispel advice...
What You Can do is
1)Take him to an uninhabited beautiful romantic place and spend long periods of time in total nudity (both of you).
2)Start a revolution in Canada and be the woman head of the Resistance. Make him your secretary/cleaner/slave. He will fall for your power
/*Let’s keep exes, love triangles, homosexuality and ‘already married’ out of this situation/.
Your posts rock.
Maximum number of comments on this one .... and i have just added one more . Why does this love thingy fascinate people so much ? . Is it really SO complicated ? Well i have no experience of it , so ppl help me out. :)
RA: But sometimes you need to go get what you want before someone else gets a hold of it!
Vibha: Thanks :)
GC: Sigh. For you, the world is filled with only good people, is it not? Not everyone is like you, sadly.
Reverend: Read them, seen them. Love Actually was a crappy movie. When Harry Met Sally ROCKS!
Kroops: Well, you've lived more years than I have. So you know more I guess ;)
Vibes: To be honest, there's no guy in particular. I'm talking about any guy I like or have some sort of interest in. How long should I bother?
Tar: Treetops and Burrowholes??? Hahahahaha! You're funny :D
DD: I kinda agree with you. But depends on if I'm doing it for the chase or not. Sometimes I am, sometimes I'm not.
Madz: Hehehehehehe. I like both your options!!! I think I'll take your advice over everyone elses :D
Yogi: Thanks :D I'm glad you're here and having fun.
Harish: Hmmm. Well, from what I hear, IIT ain't really the place to fall in love ;) But yeah, who doesn't want to fall in love? That's why all the hype!
To be honest, there's no guy in particular. I'm talking about any guy I like or have some sort of interest in. How long should I bother?
aiyo........!!!! u should have told me u're not in love! just checking to see what u should do once u are ino love!
i take back all my advice!
Really there are no right answers...its all so complicated...if some day u do get the correct ans let me know too..........
Hi - first time here...read all your nov. posts and was fascinated. This one, though, I couldnt but help myself from commenting on.
My take is - if you love someone, even if you've told him / her and have received no response, because you're in love, you can't help but stay that way, until you yourself feel it's time to move on.
Coz love is just such a thing - that will hold on to you and drive you crazy wild until it wants to...and then one fine day, it just leaves.
So in all honesty, there are no answers, just love away, and you will feel happier for having loved :)...
And then one fine day, you will find the 'one' for you :)... it takes no searching... just a lotta feeling.
The longer you bother, the worse it gets... but then, its better to have bothered and lost than to have never bothered at all...
Hehehe...
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Well so what did you decide?
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Ah Love. And the lovestruck. And the love-struck.
What's up Chandna, Tawakley, Madhu? Cheer up, those days are over. Now that college is over, there is absolutely no chance any of us will ever be with our one true love.
Um sorry Ms V. Have a really good meal. Have a beer.
That's what I did if things didn't work out.
Ostensibly, I had lots of good meals and beers.
Keep up the good work » » »
Enjoyed a lot! »
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