Don't read this post. Just let me bitch.

Content rating: E (for Expicit, not Everyone)

People amaze me. Stupidity, I can deal with to some extent, but insensitivity, I just don’t get. Maybe some of us are truly born without a heart. It is a possibility. But unless some weird scientist with a beard proves that, I am going to stick to the fact that the hearts are there; only, they’re made of stone instead.

I’m not asking for sympathy. I’m not even asking for understanding. Why should I have to ask for anything? Isn’t it supposed to be human nature to be consoling and understanding towards someone who is going through a hard time? Don’t friends support each other during difficulties? But I think humanity is overrated, if something like that even exists. In fact, I cringe at the word “human”. I would pick an animal over a human any day. Even cats. And I hate cats.

Just because I’m blogging as usual and have funny nicknames on MSN does not mean that I’m okay, you fucking stupid morons. I’ve lost my dad. Don’t you get it? My dad is dead. Oh, but it’s been two months. So it shouldn’t be that bad. I’m probably used to it by now. If I’m still moping around, I probably have some deeper psychological issues. Because I should just learn to accept reality and move on, right? Life's like that. Blah blah blah. It’s easy for you to be Deepak Chopra when you have not even an iota of an idea of what I am going through. You’d probably only understand when you lose your dad. But being the insensitive prick you are, you won’t lose him. Because life’s good to bastards like you. Unless, of course, you want him dead. Then, life will ask it’s good friend, Luck to hang out with you for a couple of days, so as to make sure you get what you want. It’s funny how movies always portray that good wins the battle against evil. But then again, that’s what movies are for - to take us far far away from reality.

I’m the happy-go-lucky girl, laughing all the time, being nice to everyone, pleasing everyone. I’m not supposed to change. I can’t be mean, I can’t be depressed, I can’t not be nice, I can’t stop being the mat you like to trample over. Gosh, did I dare ignore you? So, now you won’t talk to me again. You think I’ve suddenly developed an attitude. You don’t like me anymore. I’m not the sweet girl who was always there by your side. Now I’m the bitch who has mood swings and chooses when I want to talk to you and when I don’t. My dad died. What a lame excuse! Why should that change how I am? Yeah, you gave me an entire month to recuperate. Now, I should just pull myself together and get back to staying up till wee hours in the night to talk to you and make you feel better. Because that’s what I always do. Boost your ego. And how dare anything come in the way of that. I’ve still got a mother and a sister. That’s something to be grateful for. It's natural that your heart went out to the people who lost their loved ones in the Tsunami. Your eyes still tear up when you think about 9/11. For complete strangers you don’t even know the first names of. How they don't deserve such cruelty. But I’m your friend. So, I’m different. They didn’t know you. You can empathize. But me! How dare I let a tragedy change my behaviour towards you. In fact, it's not even a tragedy. I'm just over-reacting. It's life's test that I just have to face, whether I like it or not.

Well, you can bloody well take that time you used to spend with me and go jerk off to a porn magazine. Because I don't have time for cold-blooded beasts like you. I have a fucking, valid reason. It’s not an excuse. An excuse is what you are - a sorry excuse for a human being. My dad has left this world, and I haven’t jumped off a cliff. A bunch of you completely disappearing from my life is not going to tear my world apart.

I’m not sorry that I don’t feel like talking to you anymore.
I’m not sorry that I haven’t left comments on your blog in a long time.
I’m not sorry that I don’t leave you feel-good messages on your Yahoo or MSN anymore.
I’m not sorry that you mistake my automatic sign-ins to be me ignoring you on purpose.
I’m not sorry that I wasn’t aware that it was my turn to write you that email or place that call this time around because you did so the last time, two months ago.
However, I’m very sorry that I thought you were worth befriending in the first place.

I take great pride in my friends. But I’ve insulted the word 'friends'. Because it doesn’t matter whom I choose to make my friend, some people don’t know what being a friend is all about. You don’t feel like reaching out to me and making an attempt to understand what I’m going through. You think you should give me some space because you don’t want your good mood to be ruined by me who seems to perennially be in a bad mood. You will change topics immediately when I begin to talk about my dad because you assume I will start crying a river like Justin Timberlake. “You” astoundingly does not stand for just a handful of people, but for so many in number, that it has made me question my friend-picking abilities of the past 3 years.

I will still hurt everyday. I will still cry everyday. I will still talk about my dad everyday. Because I love him everyday. That's my way of dealing with pain. Love me or leave me.

Notes –
1. If you did not understand a single word of this post, it's a good sign.
2. If you were offended by this post or felt that you were being targeted, and felt bad about it, then it’s probably not you. Insensitive people feel no emotion – neither grief nor guilt.
3. This will probably be the least grammatically correct of all posts, as I’m not bothering to spell-check or read through the post to change errors.
4. There is something about the f word that is so calming, especially when you’re fucking mad!
5. I wonder how this post would have turned out if I was PMSing too.